silent screams into the vast emptiness of eternity. Why? bounces off of nowhere and back to my raw heart that lays curled on the rug in the middle of this lonely room. No one answers but Jesus who whispers, "i am here." and i rage back, "a little late, don't you think?" He sits down beside me and we say nothing...there is nothing to say in this pit of hell except to lay there and cry the bitter tears of grief. I feel alone. I know he is sitting here with me and i don't really care where he is...just that he is and that he is won't leave again.
Dragging myself off the floor to put on some fresh makeup and pick up my sweet son to make sure he is taken care of. My heart is far away. It is hidden deep in the mire of helpless sad. Rage! Hurt! Ache. Little...so many faces. So many places. So much shame.
screaming. That is all i can do...scream silent screams. Because good girls don't ever scream out loud.
But if anyone out there is listening...you might here this little big girl screaming out in a pain that is beyond words.
Screaming is neater than cutting. Less bloody.
so i will scream not cut...my skin is intact today. My heart is not....